MoneyZen by Manisha Thakor

Author:Manisha Thakor
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2023-06-16T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 5

Hardwired to Hustle

“If we are to understand anything so complex and troubling as addiction, we need to gaze directly at the point where experience and biology meet.”

At the end of 2015, after my divorce, I moved to Portland, Oregon, and vowed to spend more time Being. In fact, I chose Portland as a kind of soft-landing spot because it is the home of some of the country’s best third-wave coffeehouses. I’ve found that one of the greatest small joys in my life is a good, independent, artsy coffee shop, where I will easily spend three hours nursing a hand-crafted cold brew, while doing work or chatting with a friend.

By early 2018, I had the opportunity to take on a larger role as a national thought-leader for a wealth management firm based in Seattle, Washington. The cofounders who ran the firm were savvy and supportive. My teammates were wise and welcoming. I had the privilege of working with some of the best people I’d ever known.

Yet I still hadn’t figured out what success looked like for me. So I dived into my new position, operating with the same frenetic hustle energy of my youth. As a result, by the summer of 2019, I came down with a mysterious illness that finally forced me to begin rethinking how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. In terms of resets, it was quite literally a change-or-die moment.

It all started with brain-numbing fatigue. From my drooping eyelids down to my shuffling feet, every muscle and bone felt like deadweight. It was impossible to hide my condition; I traveled twice a month from Portland to the Seattle headquarters to speak at client events, tape podcast interviews, and brainstorm with the marketing team. Every afternoon, I’d stumble to the wellness room reserved for nursing mothers, curl up in a ball, and fall asleep until the alarm on my phone alerted me to the next essential work commitment. Returning to my hotel each night, I’d collapse into bed. On a typical Seattle workday, I was awake for eight hours and out cold for the other sixteen.

By August, my fatigue was joined by a stubborn 101-degree fever and patchy, red welts across my body and scalp—swollen rashes that hurt to touch. Concerned, my primary care physician ordered some initial blood tests, including one that measured my erythrocyte sedimentation rate, or sed rate, a number that would tell her the level of inflammatory activity in my body.

According to the Mayo Clinic, a normal sed rate for women is in the 0–22 range. Mine clocked in at 95. My doctor explained that an elevated sed rate could certainly explain the rashes, fever, and fatigue: My immune system was revved up and fighting. But what, exactly?

My physician sent me to the hospital for a battery of lab work. I still remember the startled expression on the phlebotomist’s face when he reviewed my chart and blurted out, “Wow, this is a lot of tests. Wonder what’s wrong with you?” and I promptly burst into tears.

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